WHAT!?

OK - So I know I've already posted tonight, but I saw this, and I just couldn't wait to write about it.

I go on my sbcglobal/yahoo/whatever the heck it is now homepage, and I'm looking through the news stories, and I find one (why the heck this is considered news, beats the heck out of me) that says "4 things that make men want to marry a woman". So, ok, I admit it, I'm intrigued. What IS it that makes a man want to get married? What makes them say "I do" in a male egocentric culture that tells men that they can have as many women as they want, no matter how old they get as long as they work out and shave that back hair (Ew...)
So I click on it, and it's of course the usuals. Men want to marry women who are independent. Men want to marry women who are creative. Men don't necessarily want to feel like they're "settling down". Then I get to one that's entitled, "Jekyll and Hyde". Basically, what this says is that men want to marry a woman who can be a total sex goddess in bed, but then can be charming and sweet at a family reunion. The following is a quote from the article, which is OBVIOUSLY written by a man.

"It's the all-in-one woman who can equally pull off the roles of wife, mother, boss, friend, neighbor, vixen. That's not asking too much, is it? After all, if a guy is going to commit for a lifetime, he'll want his partner to be able to react to a lifetime's worth of challenges and opportunities, right?"

I don't even know where the heck to start in telling you all the things that are horribly wrong with the previous statement. Basically, this is a nice way of saying that men won't get married and stay married (faithfulness is still under speculation at this point I suppose) unless they can marry a woman who can do everything, all the time, and will never blink an eye. She can equally juggle being a sex goddess in the bedroom with a perfectly sculpted body, looking as young as it did when she was 20, an awesome mother who is able to entertain her children while her lazy husband sits on his fat butt and knocks 'um back, a wife who'll make her husband supper and rub his feet, and fetch him his beer and slippers after he gets home from a very exhausting day at work, and everything else without batting an eyelash. She is required to be super woman, so that Mr. Wonderful doesn't have to deal with challenges and responsibilities.
She's never allowed to yell, get stressed out, have a little break down, get an hour of quiet to collect her thoughts, or anything. She's on call, all the time.

Here's what I think.

I for one, am going to refuse to get married until I find a man who is equally great at making me delicious, gourmet meals, then spoon feeding them to me as he is taking intricate care of my beautiful and flawless children. He indulges me at every turn, buying me jewelry and spa treatments, and cars, and big houses. He makes me a living, but at the same time, is very compassionate about all the hard work I've done all day sitting down in an air conditioned office at a desk with contemporaries that are the same age and have the same interests as me, and gives me a few hours to relax before insisting that I go out and pursue some of my hobbies, such as going out with my girlfriends for martinis, or getting my nails done, or even just sitting back and watching the newest episode of Sex in the City.
He is at my beckon call, and I have him wrapped around my finger.

So now, do you think I'm a big high maintenance brat? Gosh, I do.

Here's my point: When a man expects a woman to be super woman, satisfying every one of his and his children's needs, indulging him and taking care of him (though he's a grown man...) and never attending to needs of her own, it's considered reasonable. After all, he's trading his FREEDOM. When a woman expects a man to satisfy her needs, or to indulge her for once, she's considered high-maintenance, and a nuisance. For a man, it's got to be WORTH getting married. For a woman, she really doesn't have much of a choice, unless she wants to be a.) the crazy cat lady or b.) a lesbian.

Ok, NOW, I am done.