I Am A Woman Obsessed.

It was a cool afternoon in the beginning of October when a craving came upon me. It was one I had felt before. Yes, once this sensation, this innate desire for something terrible crept into this malleable little brain of mine, it could not be pushed out. It is indeed highly unquenchable, and on this particular afternoon, as I felt the familiar desire open its tiny little hands and grab a hold of me, I at once became a woman possessed. Suddenly, all the things I had planned in that time slot, every productive notion I had in my head was temporarily put off until I could satisfy this longing that resides in the pit of my very being. Promptly and efficiently, I put the key into the ignition of my car, threw it into reverse, cursed at the woman with the shopping cart walking behind me, and sped off into the direction of that which has haunted me for years now. I pulled out of the Jewel Osco parking lot on Geneva in Wheaton, checked in vain for traffic, then pulled across the street, cutting off many an angry Wheatonite mom in the process and felt the relaxation spread about my body. Yes, I had accomplished it, I had done it. I pulled into the drive through and heard the ever glorious sound of the minimum wage employee resounding through the speakers. “Hello! Welcome to Arby’s! May I take your order?”

My love for Arby’s started at an age that was not too young, but not old either. I remember very clearly the very first day I entered into the grease-ridden doors and smelled the magnificent scent of roast beef, sliced thin, joyously being readied to serve to eager, hungry customers such as myself. A roast beef and cheddar sandwich, curly fries and a soft drink were placed in front of me. I eyed this curious creation with wonder and uncertainty as it sat there before me, simply begging me to delve into its majestic deliciousness. Little did I know, the first bite would send me into a deep love, no, obsession that would follow me for the rest of my life. The cheesiness of the cheddar – the meatiness of the beef, it wasn’t comprehendible. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it! Yes, that monumental day when I entered into six dollar beef, cheddar, and curly fry heaven, the day when my McNugget™ and Frosty™ world was turned upside down, that day will go down forever in history as the day that defined my childhood. The day that I stopped being a girl, and became a woman. I became a cheddar stuffed, beef bulged, grease gorged, heck of a woman, on that day of all days.

So yes, I am coming out. I am writing in order to relieve myself of my best kept secret. The one that tells all that I, Aubree E. Redmond, am madly in love with you, Arby’s, and want to tell the whole world! I want to shout it on the highest mountain top! Arby’s, you complete me.