So, on the back of the Starbucks hot cups...the cups they give to you when you have a hot drink versus an iced one...duh. Why am I explaining this? Anyway, back to what I was saying. On the back on the Starbucks hot cups, they have these things called "The Way I See It" and then it has a number. I actually have failed to notice this about Starbucks hot cups until today, even though I get Starbucks like, three times a week. This probably has something to do with my addiction to caffeine. By the time I get my four shots of delicious espresso, I'm not really that concerned with the cup and really more with the contents the cup is holding. The cup is useless to me. That's actually quite sad. Aw. Poor cup. Have I mentioned I'm having issues focusing lately? Anyway, on the back of the cups they have these things called "The Way I See It" and they have quotes from like random people. So, I'm just sitting here, chilling in my dining room, trying to upload some stupid pictures that won't upload and I'm getting really frustrated, when I look up to find my empty Starbucks hot cup, and I read the quote. It says;
"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word" - Augusten Burroughs.
Before I go into what I'm about to say, I've been reading a lot of J.D. Salinger as of late. As a result, I've become quite pessimistic, and have come to the conclusion that I am very misunderstood. I know, I know, how angsty of me. Anyway, I'm going to warn you right now. If you're reading this, and you think that this quote is a beautiful message of hope, encouraging you to go out and just say hello to the world, then please stop reading right now. I'm about to rip this quote into shreds, and the last thing I would want to do is spoil it for you. Actually, that's not the last thing I'd want to do, but that's alright.
Let's continue.
That is the BIGGEST load of CRAP I have ever heard in my God-given life. PAAAA LEASE! That's bull. That's what that is. To demonstrate this point, I'm going to tell you a little story.
Once upon a time, I went to Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon. I was looking quite ravishing. In fact, I was channeling a 1940's post war bomb shell with this rockin new pair of shoes I bought. I walk up, feeling quite sure of myself, and I see this drop dead gorgeous guy, sitting outside of Starbucks. My jaw nearly fell open. He was beautiful! He's getting up to get a paper from inside Starbucks, and he opens the door for me. I, of course being cunning and the very essence of a lady (or something like that...) flashed him a brilliant little smirk, and said, "Thanks" then waltzed up to the counter to order my Café Americano. So, I get MY copy of the Sunday Trib and I go outside to read it, at the table opposite from his, when I realize that he has stopped reading the paper (I love a guy who reads the newspaper...and not just for the sports section) and has started to read what looks like a just delicious old copy of Huck Finn. HUCK FRICKING FINN. One of those brilliant copies that's all old and the pages are starting to yellow and the smell is just amazing. Ah gosh. I love old books. So here I am, stuck in this ecstasy of what may just be the perfect man for me...WHEN HE WHIPS OUT A BIBLE. A bible. Oh gosh. I nearly wept with joy. He's a Mark Twain loving, newspaper reading, door opening, CHRISTIAN! I love it. I just adore it. So, by this time, I'm planning our wedding, when I finish my drink, get to the last pages of my paper, and realize that I have absolutely nothing to do. So here I am, thinking that I'm going to impress this guy and he's going to ask me for my number, so I walk past him to go to the garbage, and I say "Hi"
He looks up, and says "Hi"
And then I walk away.
So then I get this idea in my head that this guy quite possibly comes to Starbucks every bleeding Sunday, and I decide that every Sunday, I'm going to go to Starbucks, with a new piece of literature each week, ready to create this budding new love story. Of all the places to meet. Starbucks. Ahh. So I'm all ready. The next week, I show up, looking simply gorgeous in whatever I was wearing, book in hand (I believe I had This Side of Paradise by Fitzgerald) and I sit down at the table. He's not there. So I wait and I read.
Well, if you scroll down a bit, and you look back in September I believe it is, you'll find that Mr. Perfect didn't come back to Starbucks, but I had a rather...awkward and disgusting conversation with a certain old man about sex, in which I retreated very quickly to my car.
So, here's the thing. I don't know what kind of strange fairy tale world we're all floating around in, but most of the time, when you say "Hi" to someone, chances are, they are going to say "Hi" back and that'll be that. No deep connection. No budding friendship is started. No new romantic passion is awakened. I'm sick and tired of people thinking that the whole world is some stupid movie. People don't meet like that, and when they do, it's usually a booty call. Sorry if I'm being crass, but that's the truth. I think it'll suffice to say that I don't believe in fairy tales. They are very nice notions, and I think I would like to believe in them, but in the end, you're born naked, you eat a lot then crap it all out, maybe touch a few lives, try hard to gain a level of success you find worthy, and then you die...and if you happen to be one of God's elect, then you get to go to heaven, where even THERE, nobody is going to care about your romantic little love story because heaven is all about God.
So I'm tired of all that crap. I wish for once in my life, I could hear an actual story. Bob and Kelly worked in the same office. Bob thought Kelly was cute. Kelly thought Bob was funny. Bob asked Kelly out. Kelly said yes. They date for a couple of years, then Kelly and Bob decided to get married. Now they're living somewhere in the midwest with a couple of kids. I'd like to see someone make a movie out of that...but they wouldn't. Why? Because for some strange reason, we have the desire to romanticize the crap out of everything.
Like the other day, I heard this song on the radio. This girl is singing this mushy love song that's supposed to make you feel all soft and squishy on the inside, and the lyrics are something to the extent of, "If I'm Juliet, will you be my Romeo, and we'll live happily ever after" and I had to laugh. I think it was some teenaged blond girl singing it. All I could think was, "That's great hunny, but have you ever read Romeo and Juliet? Maybe seen a movie? There are lot's of Romeo and Juliet movies. Ever seen the play? Yeah. Guess what happens. They have their short lived little love, and it's all romantic, and they think that their love is going to pull them through, but what actually happens is that they both die in the end. So good luck with that."
End.
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